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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It's the Little Things

Today as I write this, I'm trying to come out of a funk. It seems that over the past several days, I've become more and more physically and emotionally exhausted. I need to recharge.

This past weekend was, to say the least, hectic. I was booked solid for volunteer work all weekend, with Sissy helping me most of the time. Sissy had to compete Sunday morning. Lugnut need to work on the "flip" house (more on that in a later post) so we can finally call that project complete. He also needed to do some yard work before his upcoming business trip. Things were not working out well, and I was having a very difficult time trying to keep all my commitments and keep the family happy at the same time. It was a very tense couple of days.

So yesterday, after waking up with a migraine, I called off work, got Sissy off to school, dropped Diva and Peanut off with the sitter, checked in with Lugnut (who happens to be in Dallas at the moment) and went home to have some time just to myself. I had grand plans for the day: DO NOTHING. Unfortunately, I'm very bad at doing nothing. While my intention was purely to relax, I couldn't help but reflect on the past few days, wondering where I'd gone wrong, and what I could have done better.

Looking back, I am almost certain now that I didn't really do anything "wrong." The fact that I even questioned this infuriates me. Of course I didn't do anything wrong. I made plans, communicated them, and followed through. Just because someone else didn't agree with the priority of those plans doesn't make them wrong, and that certainly does not give them the right to be angry with me for making the commitment in the first place. (Did I mention things were pretty tense this weekend?)

The more I thought about all of this, the angrier I got. I sat there brooding for almost an hour...until...a sweet image popped into my head. I was loading up Diva and Peanut, on our way BACK to the meet to pick up Sissy. As I was strapping the seat belt around Diva's booster, she lunged forward and gave me a giant hug, saying "I love you mommy!" AWWWW! At the time, I just said "I love you too, now let's go," (Kinda harsh, I know) not recognizing the moment for what it was.

We often get so caught up in the details of everyday life, that we miss the little things. Oh, we don't always ignore them completely, but we often times dismiss their importance. Had I just stopped what I was doing when Diva had reached for me with love, my heart could have let go of the anger and frustration so much more quickly. If only I had listened.

That's it!! That's what I did wrong! I was so caught up in my frustration, I let it spin out of control. Instead of diffusing the situation, I let it take over, accepting that things were going to be horrible for the rest of the weekend and that I just needed to deal with it. This revelation flooded my mind with so many little things I had failed to see over the past few days. I soaked them up, paying special attention to each one, letting go of the frustration, anger, and tension that had been building for days.

I encourage each of you to SEE the little things in life. Acknowledging even the smallest gesture can have an amazing impact.

God Bless

Friday, May 15, 2009

Who am I?

Well, I'm finally attempting to make my mark in the blogoshpere. This is something I've often considered, but quite honestly, I can't imagine having anything to say that other people would find remotely interesting. That said, I think this blog could become very therapeutic for me, and hopefully for others as well.

I guess maybe I should start with a little something about myself. My name is Di, and I am a slightly manic mother of three who works full time. I struggle daily with trying to find that "perfect" balance and know deep in my heart that despite my faults, God loves me just the way I am. I am the wife of a wonderful, big-hearted, anal-retentive, fun-loving teddy bear, Lugnut D. He is my rock, my protector, and my biggest supporter. My first-born, Sissy K, is 14 and every bit a teenage girl. She is a competitive tumbler, a former gymnast, a cheerleader, and a WONDERFUL big sister. Diva P is 3 and incredibly opinionated. She likes to help, loves to have her way, and ADORES all things princess. Peanut R, the caboose of this little girl train we have going, is 17 months old and we affectionately call her Stealth. She is quiet, observant, and always ready with hugs.

The craziness that is life often prevents me from taking time to reflect: on the day, on decisions to be made, on life itself. My hope is that this blog will allow me to spend a little more time reflecting and in turn, learning from mistakes, sharing my story with others, and forming relationships with people like me.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.